The Internal Dialogue of “Choice”
Healthy relationships? Porscha* didn’t know the meaning. Her past relationships, both in and out of romantic relationships, had been filled with abuse. But this year, she was working to establish better boundaries and take better care of herself and her daughter. At the same time, Porscha was worried she might be pregnant. While watching TikTok, Porscha heard a patient mention her great experience at First Care Clinic. So, Porsha decided to make an appointment.
Pregnancy testing and ultrasound confirmed her hunch; she was indeed pregnant. Porscha shared that she did not know what she was going to do. “If I could disappear for nine months and have this baby, I would. But the idea of trying to work the 3rd shift and care for my current toddler, and now this, I don’t know if I can do that,” Porscha told staff. As the staff discussed all of Porscha’s options with her, she acknowledged every choice was fraught with difficulties.
“If I decide to parent and have another child, I would not be able to give both of these children what they deserve. I just got back on my feet, and I don’t think I could manage with a second child. It is not fair to my current child. I am already hustling trying to make ends meet, and I work the third shift so that I can spend time with my child during the day. I want to be the one raising them, not someone else at a daycare.”
Adoption was also a difficult choice. “What if I can’t go through with it? I might fall in love with my baby. What if I changed my mind after the process…I don’t want to break the hearts of the people that I would be giving my baby up to.”
Abortion was the option Porsha was leaning toward, but not one she came to lightly. “I don’t believe in abortion except for rape. I see on social media all the time that people have these horrible experiences with abortions, and I am worried about that…but I don’t know what else to do. I don’t feel like there is any other way; I feel like abortion is my only option.”
This is the reality of how many women feel and process their options when facing an unexpected pregnancy. These are the thoughts we hear from many patients at First Care Clinic.
Our job is not to change their minds. We present factual information and allow each woman time to think and process their decision. We let them know there is help and resouces. They aren’t alone. God calls us to be faithful, and that’s what we strive to do. We don’t want to see Porsha suffer the heartbreak of abortion. We don’t want her precious pre-born baby to miss out on the life God has planned for him or her. However, we know that God has given Porsha the free will to make her own decisions. We present the information, pray, and leave it in God’s hands – where it belongs.
Before leaving, our staff asked Porsha if she would be open to prayer. She was. So we prayed with her. We wondered if there was anyone she could trust to share her secret with who might help her process this decision. Porscha said, “Yes. My grandmother is a faith-filled woman. She always knows what to say to me. I’m going to go home and talk to her.”
Thank you for joining us in prayer for women like Porsha, who face difficult choices, and for the grandmothers who are asked to give advice. May every “Porsha” be surrounded by life-affirming voices.
*names changes for privacy