The Fatherhood Mission: Join the Effort to Train and Support New Dads
When a woman faces an unintended pregnancy, research shows that the first person she looks to for guidance is her partner. And yet, men often feel unprepared, unheard, or unsure how to respond.
Some men want to be fathers but fear speaking up because they don’t want to interfere with “her body, her choice.” Others feel overwhelmed by the financial, emotional, or spiritual responsibilities of parenting. Many simply don’t have the confidence to choose life for their family.
Mitch Freeman, the facilitator of the upcoming male mentor informational meeting taking place here at our First Care Clinic, says strong male mentors can make a life-changing difference.
“Absent fathers create a huge gap in the child’s life and place an undue burden upon the mother,” explained Freeman. “One of the big reasons men who enter First Care Clinic need a male advocate is that most everyone who enters our doors is in the midst of a transition into fatherhood. Biologically speaking, he is already a father, but mentally, it doesn’t happen that quickly.”
“As he sits I the waiting room, his mind is sifting through layers of questions such as ‘How will my life change if she has this baby? What is she really thinking and does it matter what I think? Do I have a say in whether she has our baby?’ Being left alone with those thoughts, he will rely upon Google, his friends, and/or his emotions. Another man can step into these uncertainties and provide some guidance,” said Freeman.
Being a helper and supporter in times of stress is a big job, but we’re never alone. Freeman says the most important quality for a mentor is dependence upon God in prayer. “A mentor needs God to work in his heart to know what to say and when to say nothing. Male mentors should be able to provide a non-anxious presence, not rushing the conversation or pressing him to talk. Instead, they should be able to bear the fruit of the Spirit as they sit with the father.”
Freeman has personally enjoyed helping men in long-term mentor relationships as well as advocating for them in the clinic.
“I’ve seen men step into the role and become good fathers. I’ve also seen moms smile and become excited when he does, because it means they are not in this alone. One of my favorite times is when men come from the ultrasound appointment with a picture of their baby. When I’ve asked to see the picture, the dad smiles and holds it up proudly.”
It’s a deeply rewarding moment for Freeman to witness, especially since his own father did not share the same excitement about his birth and loving him as his son. Freeman’s experience as the child of a young, single mother has given him a unique sensitivity to the effects of absent fathers and the way God can fill that gap through other male figures.
“My biological father left and did not want to be a part of my life. My grandparents stepped in to provide love, support, and a shoulder to cry on for my mom. I like to think of them as the forerunners to maternity homes, like The Elizabeth House. My grandfather served as a mentor for me. I learned what it meant to be a man, husband, and father from him.”
Now Freeman wants to do the same for other men and remembers a powerful experience when a new father attended his fatherhood classes.
“I asked, ‘What was your relationship like with your dad?’ This is always the question that causes men to be vulnerable. He said, ‘My dad never really came around unless he wanted something.’ He talked about how he and his mom lived without him in their lives and gave examples of times he would show up, when he wanted money or a place to stay for the night. I said, ’So you’ve never really known unconditional love from your father?’ He looked straight at me, as if a lightbulb had been turned on, and repeated what I’d just said. ‘Yes, I guess you’re right. I’ve never known unconditional love from my father.’ He continued to talk about other things, but would stop every so often to say, ‘I’ve never really known unconditional love from my father.’ Finally, I said, ‘Now you’re in a position to do something different. Now you can provide your child with unconditional love.’ His face lit up.”
If you’re a man who feels called to support other men during one of the most challenging moments of their lives, we invite you to join us for an informational meeting. Come learn how you can guide, encourage, and mentor men who are facing an unintended pregnancy.
The informational meeting will be Saturday, March 21, 9:00–10:30 AM, at First Care Clinic — MacArthur Rd. Register and learn more here.